WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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