He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize