If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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