I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize