i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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