Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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