The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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