man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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