i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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