i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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