i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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