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Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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