He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there's paper in my vomit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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