it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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