6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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