just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize