if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
is it fun? or sober?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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