note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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