I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize