You really coming over, don't trick.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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