the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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