I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize