12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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