just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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