Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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