when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize