Im at strip club and am horny
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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