Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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