You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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