I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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