It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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