Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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