I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize