get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize