I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize