my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize