decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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