you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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