Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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