Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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