apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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