just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
high people should be assigned attendants
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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