I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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