I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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