I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
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I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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did i walk over a car last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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