you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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