I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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