A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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