i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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