Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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